Live through the pain for as long as it takes.
Don’t rush yourself through it because someone thinks you should be doing better by now. Don’t force yourself to find meaning in something that still feels completely unfair. Don’t pretend it hurts less just to make the people around you more comfortable.
Grief hurts because love was here first.
That’s the part I think we sometimes forget when the pain becomes so loud.
Before the death, before the goodbye, before everything changed, there was love.
There were years, or maybe not nearly enough years. There were conversations and inside jokes. There were things only the two of you understood. There was a whole person who mattered to you, and a relationship that became part of who you are.
The pain came because the love was that big.
So give yourself permission to live through the pain for as long as you need to. But while you’re there, keep making room for the love too.
Remember who they were before you had to grieve them.
Remember how they made you laugh. What they taught you. The things they did that drove you crazy. The stories you’ve told a hundred times and still want to tell again.
Because I believe something changes over time.
The pain may not disappear. There may always be moments when losing them feels just as impossible as it did in the beginning.
But eventually, the pain doesn’t have to be the first thing you think about when you think of them.
The love can get louder.
The memories can come without always being followed by tears.
You can say their name and smile.
You can remember their life without immediately being pulled back into their death.
So live through the pain.
Take all the time you need.
But never forget that the pain is only there because love came first.
And with time, I hope the love becomes bigger than the pain.
If these words connected with you, you’ll find many more like them in What Remains. It’s a collection of the writings I’ve shared over the years, bringing together reflections on grief, love, loss, and the connections that continue long after someone is gone.
I hope it brings you comfort, understanding, and the reminder that you’re not alone.
If you’d like to read more, you can find the book here
Available now on Amazon