I’m not over it.
There. I said it.
I’m not over watching someone I love die.
I’m not over the fact that they were here and now they’re not.
I’m not over how quickly everything changed and how absolutely nothing prepared me for what came after.
I’m not over the life I thought we still had ahead of us.
I’m not over having to live a life that looks nothing like the one I thought I would be living.
And I’m really not interested in pretending that enough time has passed that somehow I should be.
Because when did getting over it become the goal?
Why do we talk about grief as if eventually we’re supposed to reach some point where the death of someone we love doesn’t affect us anymore?
It does affect me.
Some days more than others.
Sometimes in ways I expect. Sometimes completely out of nowhere.
There are things I have accepted that I still don’t like.
There are things I understand that I still wish were different.
There are moments when I can think about them and smile, and there are moments when the reality that they are actually gone still feels impossible to believe.
Time has changed my grief. Of course it has.
But time hasn’t changed what happened.
It hasn’t made their death okay.
It hasn’t made me stop wishing they were here.
And it hasn’t made me “over it.”
I can accept that they died without being okay with it.
I can understand that life continues without pretending their death stopped affecting mine.
I can have a life after loss without needing to prove that I’ve gotten past it.
Someone I love died.
That changed my life.
I’m not over it.
And I never will be.
If these words connected with you, you’ll find many more like them in What Remains. It’s a collection of the writings I’ve shared over the years, bringing together reflections on grief, love, loss, and the connections that continue long after someone is gone.
I hope it brings you comfort, understanding, and the reminder that you’re not alone.
If you’d like to read more, you can find the book here
Available now on Amazon