“You got this.”
People say it because they’re trying to encourage you.
And in a lot of situations, I love those words.
Big presentation? You got this.
Hard conversation? You got this.
Something you’re scared to do? You got this.
But grief?
I don’t always want to hear that I’ve “got this.”
Because sometimes I don’t.
Sometimes I’m barely holding it together.
Sometimes I’m angry that I even have to figure out how to live without someone I love.
Sometimes I don’t want to be reminded how strong I am or how much I’ve already survived.
I didn’t ask to be strong enough for this.
I didn’t ask to learn how to live with this.
And I don’t want to feel like I need to convince anyone that I can handle it.
I know when someone says, “You got this,” they usually mean:
I believe in you.
You’re stronger than you think.
You’re going to make it through this.
I know the intention is good.
But when I’m grieving, sometimes those words feel like one more thing being asked of me.
Keep going.
Stay strong.
Get through it.
Maybe I don’t need you to tell me I’ve got this.
Maybe I need you to look at me and say:
“This is really hard.”
“You don’t have to be okay with me.”
“I’m not going anywhere.”
Because there are days when I don’t have this.
There are days when grief knocks me flat.
There are days when all I can do is make it through the next hour.
And I don’t need someone standing on the other side telling me I’m strong enough to get there.
I need someone willing to sit down beside me so I can stand up again.
I don’t need you to fix this.
I don’t need you to make me feel better.
And I don’t need you to remind me how strong I am.
I just need to know that on the days when I don’t have this, I don’t have to have it alone.
If these words connected with you, you’ll find many more like them in What Remains. It’s a collection of the writings I’ve shared over the years, bringing together reflections on grief, love, loss, and the connections that continue long after someone is gone.
I hope it brings you comfort, understanding, and the reminder that you’re not alone.
If you’d like to read more, you can find the book here
Available now on Amazon