There are some completely unrealistic expectations around grief.
Six weeks.
Six months.
A year.
Eighteen months.
As if somewhere along the way, enough time passes and you should be “better.”
You should be able to talk about them without crying. You should be back to who you were. You should be ready to move forward. You should be strong.
But that isn’t how losing someone you love works.
You don’t spend years or decades loving someone and then somehow stop missing them because a certain amount of time has passed.
Twenty or thirty years can go by and you can still cry when someone asks about your loved one. You can still feel everything that comes with remembering them. Time passing doesn’t take that away.
That doesn’t mean you haven’t healed.
Grief will change. You will change. There may come a time when remembering brings more smiles than tears. You may find yourself living again in ways that once felt impossible.
But none of that happens according to someone else’s timeline.
And you do not have to “stay strong” through any of it.
Cry when you need to cry. Talk about your loved one when you want to talk about them. Say their name. Miss them. Have a hard day even after you’ve had a hundred good ones.
You have permission to grieve for as long as you need to.
Because you are going to love them for the rest of your life.
Why would anyone expect the grief connected to that love to come with an expiration date?
If these words connected with you, you’ll find many more like them in What Remains. It’s a collection of the writings I’ve shared over the years, bringing together reflections on grief, love, loss, and the connections that continue long after someone is gone.
I hope it brings you comfort, understanding, and the reminder that you’re not alone.
If you’d like to read more, you can find the book here
Available now on Amazon